


Uneventful

by tinylilremus



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Asexual Caduceus Clay, Asexual Character, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, The Wildmother is a matchmaker, hand-holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:08:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21814198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinylilremus/pseuds/tinylilremus
Summary: Fjord and Caduceus are taking watch together when (slightly prompted by the Wildmother) Fjord has a revelation about his feelings.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 4
Kudos: 147





	Uneventful

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not even caught up all the way but these two are EVERYTHING right now.

Fjord was at peace.

Though the feeling was unfamiliar it certainly wasn’t unwelcome. Neither was the presence of the person who deserved the most thanks for this new turn of events.

His watch with Caduceus had been uneventful so far. Night rolled by, the clouds lazily obscuring the moon for a few moments at a time before drifting off, and as there didn’t seem to be too much to say, Fjord found himself thinking about his companion – how their first meeting had been him fighting to rescue Fjord and how he had been saving him ever since. He had no idea where he would be now without this unexpected friendship, but he knew it wouldn’t be anywhere good. Caduceus had recently had called their paths crossing ‘divine intervention’ and Fjord counted it another reason to offer his eternal thanks to the Wildmother.

He felt a warm breeze stir the air just then and was reminded, not for the first time, that she could probably sense these thoughts.

“Do you feel that?” said Caduceus, his steady voice slightly breathier than usual. “That’s her.”

Despite the dim light offered by the moon, Fjord could clearly see the way his hair seemed to dance in the breeze and caught what felt like a pleasant punch to the gut at the slow, gentle smile that was aimed at him alone. It was quickly followed by a realisation that Fjord hadn’t been prepared for at all.

He was in love with Caduceus.

It was hardly a new development. For months now Caduceus had been a consideration in every decision he made. _How would this affect Caduceus? How would Caduceus handle this? Would this make Caduceus proud?_ He had thought at first that it was just his newfound interest in the Wildmother that had made him more aware of his friend, but as Fjord sat there gazing at him, trying desperately to think of two words to string together that wouldn’t make him sound like an idiot, he knew that it was more than that. It felt like what all those books Jester liked to read out loud made it sound like – his heart was beating at twice its normal speed, his palms were clammy and he could feel the heat creeping up the back of his neck. Most of all, he became suddenly aware of how close Caduceus’ hand was resting next to his and how easy it would be to just reach out and hold it.

_Fuck. Fjord. Get a grip._

“Yeah,” he replied after what felt to him like hours of silence, with Caduceus all the while watching him silently for a response. “Yeah, that’s… that’s powerful.”

“It is.” Caduceus nodded, looking out into the surrounding darkness again. “And very reassuring. It’s a sign that we’re on the right path.”

Fjord nodded by way of reply and pulled his knees up to his chest. Was he supposed to tell Caduceus now? Is that how it worked? Did Caduceus feel the same way? Thinking back, it seemed to Fjord like the possibility was there, but Caduceus was also just so damn hard to read a lot of the time that there was no way for him to be sure.

A subtle aroma drifted to him on the breeze and Fjord was taken back instantly to that morning at the Sour Nest where it was still sinking in that the ordeal that he had just been through with Yasha and Jester was over as his head was filled with the delicious scent of fried mushrooms – the first time Caduceus had ever cooked for him. And though Fjord was still getting used to receiving signs from his new deity, this one was clearer than most: tell him.

_Very well._

Fjord splayed out his legs again and placed his hand next to Caduceus’ as close as he could without actually touching. He knew he was usually blessed with the gift of articulation, but something about this situation made the words lodge in his throat. Would he verbally be able to get his point across without making a fool of himself? It seemed unlikely. Surely though, there couldn’t be any harm in just taking Caduceus’ hand like he so desperately wanted to? He’d seen Jester and Nott holding hands with him dozens of times. He frequently held the hands of the various party members he was healing. If there was any way to have plausible deniability, it would be in just doing what he’d seen him do with so many of their friends.

Taking a deep breath and praying desperately to the Wildmother for assurance that he was doing the right thing, Fjord lifted his hand and closed it around Caduceus’, jumping when Caduceus pulled it back as if Fjord had burned it.

His stomach plummeted.

“Shit I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it. I just… I didn’t think you would mind.”

Caduceus looked horrified.

“Oh man, Fjord, I’m the one who’s sorry. I didn’t mean to react that negatively. You just caught me by surprise is all.”

“I didn’t mean to. I just… I mean, I _did_ mean to hold your hand. I just didn’t…” Fjord sighed. “Look, I see you holding hands with Jessie and Nott all the time. You never flinch when they take your hand. Why did I get that reaction?”

Caduceus paused for a moment. He often did so when weighing what he was about to say, but this time felt different. He seemed to be at a genuine loss for words and this in and of itself was unsettling to Fjord.

“I suppose it’s because with them it matters differently,” he finally replied. “Over the time that I’ve known you, you’ve come to mean a lot to me, both as a friend and fellow worshiper of the Wildmother. But it’s something else too and it scares me because that something else usually comes with certain expectations – ones that I know I wouldn’t be able to fulfil. I’m sorry if I’m misreading this completely and you were just trying to hold my hand to be friendly, but I care about you so deeply and I don’t want to accidentally promise you something I can’t give you.”

“Is that the only reason you pulled back?” Fjord could feel the relief and joy building inside of him.

“I just know how things were with you and Avantika and if that’s something you need to be happy with someone, I don’t think this will work. I’d rather disappoint you now than later.”

“Cad, that’s not a disappointment. I mean yeah, that stuff is nice at times I guess, but I don’t need any of it. God, for months now all I’ve cared about is what makes you happy, and if that’s not something that makes you happy then I couldn’t give two shits about it.” Taking the risk that the reaction this time would be different, Fjord closed his hand around Caduceus’ again. “I care about you deeply too and really, that’s all I need I suppose – just knowing that you know that.”

Caduceus face broke into the kind of smile that Fjord didn’t even know was possible.

“I do now,” he said, readjusting his hand to thread his fingers through Fjord’s.

As he shifted closer to Caduceus to rest his head on his shoulder, Fjord felt warm and giddy, like he was somehow filled with the slightly breakfast-scented breeze that was still swirling around the two of them. They sat like that for ages, with Fjord tracing mindless patterns onto Caduceus’ hand with this thumb and Caduceus’s hair tickling him slightly as it brushed over his head.

Just as Fjord was convinced there was no way to be happier than he already was, Caduceus spoke again.

“Weird. We’re so far inland but the air smells like the sea.”

Fjord grinned into his shoulder. The rest of their watch passed uneventfully.


End file.
